Dear Fellow Cougar Hunters,

Just when you thought it was safe to return to your local cherry-oak-walled
wine-bar (the one at the Four Seasons with the grand piano) - Wham! a
recession hits. The crowd has thinned and so has your wallet, and the
cougars have dialed back from aggressive to docile...to downright timid.
What's the deal, you ask?

Let's start with simple economics. We're smack dab in the middle of a
lipstick economy. This means that many cougars have reduced or eliminated
their bigger ticket purchases, in favor of small pick-me-ups, many of which
begin with the letter "l": lipsticks, lattes, and lotto tickets. The hunt is
on for inexpensive thrills. Why can't a young man be one of them?

Though the obvious advantage goes to the man who can step to the cougar with
some economic clout - by virtue of having money to spend, you're better
separated from the crowd, especially during a recession. But what if you're
low on dough, and still want to knead some game? Fret not my feline
finaglers.

In a recession, people are uncertain. And when uncertainty reigns, erring on
the side of caution obtains. In other words, they allow themselves to be
ruled by fear. Guys have become more docile, and cougars more cliquish - the
tendency is to stay within the safety of one's group.  This has always been
true, but now even more so.  Thus, NOW is the time for men to find their
confidence, break out of the circle, and go for the cougar you want.

A confident man leaves his mark. If you've been waiting for the right time
to break the confidence barrier, consider today your invitation.<< MORE >>

Dear Cougar Hunters,

It is many and often time I am reminded why the cougar is the cat for me.

The flower that is youth is beautiful in it's simplicity, it's delicacy, it's utter acknowledgement of life.  I would say that a most recent experience of mine can vouch for this claim with complete sincerity.  Well, I guess we all know that anyway, about youth that is, but it's important to acknowledge it from time to time.

Take me, I went out to a college bar this past week, and had one of the best nights of my life.  With the 21 crowd.  Now that may be a blast from the past for many of us...and yet we somehow can get right back into the swing of things, as they say.

So we have this porcelain youth in all it's fragility and splendor.  That was evocative!  And good lord to have oneself compromised like that, fires it all up.

With that said, youth is blind, and age has sight.  Youth runs by a different set of rules -- macho, macho, macho.  Age is not sweating the macho angle what-so-ever.  With a Cougar, it's all about presentation and style; talent and wisdom.  It's more than a pretty face.  Cougars are downright self-reliant, and if you want to get one's attention, you must work hard and demonstrate your talents.  And that's why age sweeps youth.

Let me know your stories...

Best,


OVP

        

The term “Cougar” is thrown around pretty liberally these days. This is not necessarily a bad thing; we for one appreciate the increase in traffic to the site and apologize for taking the last few months off.  However, I do not like it when a cat is called cougar just for being a couple years older than a guy.  It devalues the impact of the word, the lifestyle, and the spirit of the hunt.  So from time to time I like to open a discussion about who can be awarded the title of cougar.

As a cougalogist connoisseur I’ve discussed some criteria of what classifies a cougar before, but today I’d like to meditate on something that’s been teasing my noggin: the mellow catch.

• A guy hits on a girl.  
• Age is not discussed, but it's assumed they are peers.
• Later, it turns out there is a >10 year age gap with the woman being older.
• And they’re totally getting it on!

Analysis: First, the dude in this situation clearly has rights to the cougar hunter title for preoccupying the favors of an older lady.  However, IS the lass in this situation a cougar?

1. She didn’t make the first moves
2. She’s not financially dominating
3. She’s not working the youth to the extent of his athletic abilities

What do you say?

Personally, I’m going to give it to our kitten.  She was attractive enough to appeal to the hunter and whether she was the aggressor or not she still has a paw on the situation--just a bit mellower about it.

        

        

I'm not too sure why cougars are getting so much attention these days.  Maybe it's a cyclical thing that comes every generation and we're just rediscovering it now.  Or maybe there's an increase in liberated older women who have independent incomes and free will.  Whatever it is, here are some stats on two generations of cougars that may give us some insight.

Of the cougar clan, the babyboomer generation is leading the way with 42+ million females between the ages of 40 and 59 according to the 2005 US census.  They outnumber the males in this generation by about 1.5 million and of those 42 million, only 65% are married with their spouse present, leaving 14.9 million lady baby boomers who aren't locked down and could be on the prowl.  In 1995, there were only 10.2 million females in the same age/marital status group meaning there has been a 47% increase in cougars in the last ten years (1995-2005).

But you say, "Mr. Roblunskee-skee-skee, I'm not shackin up with no 60 year old pelt, I'm only 20."

And I don't blame you.  Any g-milf, baby boomer coug who lived through the Summer of Love, three wars, and Dick Nixon will work you so hard you'll weep for a decade.  So let's move on to the cougar generation who is really coming into their own: Generation X.

According to Douglas Coupland, author of Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture, a Gen X'er is someone born between 1965 and 1978, but because 29 is a little young for us, we'll just look at the 2005 demographics of women between the ages of 30 and 39 (who are now about 32-41).

Overall, there was a 10% drop in the total number of females age 30-39 between 1995 and 2005.  Amazingly, even with this drop, the number of these cougs who aren't married has only gone down 3.6% leaving us with about 7.4 million ripe gen-x cougies.  Nice!

In conclusion, with around 22 million eligible cougs age 30-59 out there, the pickins should be plenty.  Especially when you consider that there are only 21 million men between the ages of 20-29 aka the Boomerang Generation total!  With more than one eligible cougar per 20-something man, I declare hunting season OPEN.

[Reference: US Census]

        

It's been a while since we've heard from a cougar hunter worth their salt. But hold the phone. Just in time for memorial day, US Marine Westin Ford of Dallas, TX has answered the call with his cougar Kathy. Fresh from his second tour in Operation Iraqi Freedom, this young Lance Corporal has gone from one trench to another. This one, he explains, "Is the kind of crevasse you can only find between two black thigh-highs."

Okay, so how does a kid barely out of high school wrangle a hellcat in her early 40s? It's simple Westin explains.

"In the corp we run ten miles a day in the desert sun. So to really satisfy me and my johnson I need a real nymph. And it's something I'm not ashamed to admit. Sometimes we go two, three, four times before bed."

Westin's approach was unconventional, but in love and war, Sun Tzu reminds us that the element of surprise is often the deciding factor.

"I followed Kathy right into the ladies room (at Dave and Buster's) and pretty much had her right there."

Westin and Kathy have been going strong since March. When asked to point out the greatest thing about dating a cougar, Westin offered this reponse.

"It's nice to wake up with wood in the middle of the night. But it's even better when the lady next to you know's how the hell to tame it."

        

If you saw The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night, I know you drooled a bit when Debra Messing (age 38) came out.  I can only imagine her titties lathered in Elmer's glue to keep her extremely revealing dress on.  Even Jay was stuttering on his first few lines of their interview.  Shwwing!

Debra was on Jay's show to promote her new mini-series The Starter Wife on USA.  While I will certainly never watch an episode of the show and I'm not a Debra Messing fan,  the term "starter wife" intrigued me so I went to the show's website to check it out. 

Molly Kagan, 41 (Debra Messing) is a successful housewife married to a rising movie executive until he divorces her because he's a jackass or whatever.  "[Molly] gets shunned by other Wives Of including one of her best friends, and worst of all, she discovers her ex is dating a pop tartlet who is half his age."  After that Molly probably cries a lot about how her life is so hard and finally, "discovers that it's up to her to be the architect of her new life and decide what she wants to make of it."

As a guy, I could go on and on about how ridiculous this show is, but since I don't live in Malibu or make seven figures, there’s no way for me to understand the struggles that a rich divorcee goes through.

Back to the point I'm making: A woman turned Starter Wife (you become a starter wife once you're divorced) is also a woman turned COUGAR!  I know this show will never have the balls to show Molly welcome her new independence by ravaging an innocent 20-something to match her ex-husband dating the "pop tartlet who is half his age," but we can dream.

How you work a Starter Wife Cougar:  According to the show she'll be a "social pariah" lingering on the outskirts of the group.  The game to play here is the nuturing hunter.  This injured, former zoo cougar just wants someone to listen to her.  When the other cougs in the bar see you taking care of her, they too will want that emotional attention and will come after you.  Those are the cougs you really want, the starter wife is just bait!

UPDATE: Finally got the photo of Messing in that revealing dress...after the jump...<< MORE >>

There's nothing greater than getting wore out by an energetic cougar. But it's important to stay hydrated. While we all know this---many of us keeping a bottle of water and a crystal decanter of scotch on the nightstand---a recent evening highlighted the importance of hydration not just for you, but for the cougar herself.

Out at a party with a couple friends, we spotted a pack of cougars on a couch hungrily eyeing the room for fresh prey. Needless to say, our 'fight or flight' instincts went on alert; we decided to fight. Not to mix metaphors, but I went in as my buddy's wingman.  He approached the cougars and got two of them out on the dance floor. After a few minutes of meaningless banter, we were too close for missiles and had to switch to guns.

But as we poured these cougars another hit of cheap red wine, they suddenly complained of tiredness and drunkenness. We realized we had crossed the line when cougars---due to their advanced age/wisdom---decide it's too late, they're too drunk and they abandon their midnight meal.  I had to figure out a way to re-energize their interest in the bait I was dishing them and quick.

I ejected, leaving my co-pilot to bag his cougar on his own, and ushered my cougar (the meatier of the two) out into the foyer, where there was a bench.  We sat on the bench and while she recapped her whole life story I started to regret saving this cougar from a cab ride home.  But instead, I went to the kitchen and began feeding her saucer after saucer full of water to better my chances of not letting all that listening time go to waste.  After about an hour my cougar come back from the brink with resounding vigor and as a bonus I even woke up the next day hangover free and ready for more.

My friend was a little slow on the agua uptake, had his coug run off with the rest of the pack and then sullied himself like a sixteen year old in the back yard.

So here's a lesson: as tempting as it is to get all drunk and throw buckshot game at some equally drunk cougars, make sure you take a time out to suck some tap or your game will dry up and get all salty.  It's science.

        

May is a great month.  The flowers begin to bloom, the air is sweet and the bodies are hot.  I'm not sure what cosmic force was going on last weekend, but every hotty in the hood was out on the town.  Even on amatuer night (Saturday) girls outnumbered guys 2:1 at the four bars I was at and there was a similar consensus from the other guys roaming MD, DC, nothern VA, and Virginia Beach.  Awesome.

I digress. We all know that Friday night is the better night to hunt cougars and on Friday night three of us including Oliver Van Peeples went out to the classy, Gua Rapo in the Courthouse neighborhood of Arlington, VA.  Gua Rapo is a restaurant/lounge with a generally mid-20/30's, international crowd.  The DJ didn't have anyone on the dance floor on the second floor so we went to the first floor were there was a great merengue band playing.  Oliver was able to get us a table right in front, we got a hookah and some drinks, and settled down to watch the latinas shake their asses.

Even before we got our table we noticed three cougys (maybe in their 40s) also at a front table and when we were seated next to them, Oliver spent no time breaking the ice.  It wasn't long before we were talking about Columbia (their native country) and ordering some Aguardiente that would "go right to our head." 

While my first thought was to get one of these ladies to show me some dance moves, I knew some latin stud could easily swoop in and poach mi pantera de Bogotá while I stumbled over my feet trying to salsa.  But if I just sat around chatting and the ladies wanted to dance, my talk wouldn't matter...so on to the hunt:

BAIT IT: Find out if she likes to dance without feeling obligated to dance if she really loves it.....<< MORE >>

Last Wednesday, during my weekly Lost (TV show on ABC) party I found myself entranced by Danielle Rousseau (Mira Furlan).  She's not a regular on the show and has only been in a handful of episodes, but last week (Episode: 69) I got a good look at her and said to myself, "Damn, she's a fierce ass Cougar!"

If you've never watched the show, there was a plane crash on a deserted island; except you find out that it's not deserted and there are some hostile people (the Others) on the island who got beef with the people who just crashed.  Rousseau isn't a part of either of the crashed folks or the Others, she's an outsider who had her baby (Alex-a teenage girl now) jacked by the Others.  Now she just struts around the jungle in her tight, sweaty tank top with her rifle setting up booby traps to fuck with the Others.

In the past three seasons, we haven't seen Rousseau get romantic with any of the islander's, but it wouldn't surprise me to learn that there's a bar on the island where she sneaks up on the Others, lure's them home and works them like only a crazy jungle cougar can.  She easily trapped Ben (leader of the Others) in the second season who might be an old lover if Ben is really Alex's dad.  Anther piece of pray that should be on Rousseau's dinner menu is Karl, Alex's young boyfriend.

Finally, there are two new possible cougars (episodes 70-71, not yet aired) in the underwater base that have captured Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) aka Merry the Hobbit.  In the episode previews the new possible cougs look like they tie him up and really work him over like true cougars would.

Unfortunately, both of these cases have women overpowering men.  That's nice and all but on this blog, the men are the hunters.  On the show, it's the guys who need to start making some moves.  I know they're all stressed, but they've been on the island for three months and they've been acting like soft-ass bitches when it comes to getting their man on.  Quit hunting for fish or answers or whatever and go grab some jungle cat ass.