Stay Hydrated

Posted on 23. May, 2007 by Jasper Sanchez in Conquests, Hunting Aides

There’s nothing greater than getting wore out by an energetic cougar. But it’s important to stay hydrated. While we all know this—many of us keeping a bottle of water and a crystal decanter of scotch on the nightstand—a recent evening highlighted the importance of hydration not just for you, but for the cougar herself.

Out at a party with a couple friends, we spotted a pack of cougars on a couch hungrily eyeing the room for fresh prey. Needless to say, our ‘fight or flight’ instincts went on alert; we decided to fight. Not to mix metaphors, but I went in as my buddy’s wingman.  He approached the cougars and got two of them out on the dance floor. After a few minutes of meaningless banter, we were too close for missiles and had to switch to guns.

But as we poured these cougars another hit of cheap red wine, they suddenly complained of tiredness and drunkenness. We realized we had crossed the line when cougars—due to their advanced age/wisdom—decide it’s too late, they’re too drunk and they abandon their midnight meal.  I had to figure out a way to re-energize their interest in the bait I was dishing them and quick.

I ejected, leaving my co-pilot to bag his cougar on his own, and ushered my cougar (the meatier of the two) out into the foyer, where there was a bench.  We sat on the bench and while she recapped her whole life story I started to regret saving this cougar from a cab ride home.  But instead, I went to the kitchen and began feeding her saucer after saucer full of water to better my chances of not letting all that listening time go to waste.  After about an hour my cougar come back from the brink with resounding vigor and as a bonus I even woke up the next day hangover free and ready for more.

My friend was a little slow on the agua uptake, had his coug run off with the rest of the pack and then sullied himself like a sixteen year old in the back yard.

So here’s a lesson: as tempting as it is to get all drunk and throw buckshot game at some equally drunk cougars, make sure you take a time out to suck some tap or your game will dry up and get all salty.  It’s science.

Tags: bar, drinks, wine