Conference Cougar

Posted on 05. Mar, 2007 by John Roblinsky in Cougars Defined

Your average convention or conference is the perfect place to meet people with similar interests. At first thought you might assume that this would be the perfect place to also find a cougar. It’s a professional setting, you already have a common ground to start a conversation, and usually there are free drinks. Shit, there are probably cougars staying on your same hotel room floor. All you have to do is put a pinch of catnip outside your door and you’ll have a pack of felines ready to help you get over your jet-lag. I mean maybe not at the financial accountant’s convention or the conference for astro-plasma foot fungus, but at a marketing conference, it should be easy pickins! Right?

Sadly fellow hunters, the answer is no. It turns out that a majority (59%) of all conference goers are married, sober, and/or uptight. Even if your hotel has a bar in it or near by, cougars can be impossible to locate or they will be completely caged in by a pack of older men with better business cards, bigger expense accounts, and some of the best cock-blocking skills in the game.

But I’m not trying to bum you out about going to your upcoming conference in Minneapolis. Here are some tips for dodging the cock-blocking haters and sniping a fierce, business cougar:

1) Early bird gets the worm: Conferences are all about networking and the earlier you get out there, the more people you’ll meet. You might even meet someone who’s throwing a private party outside the hotel. Scope out the different lectures for cougars and then sit down next to one—note: she’ll have already been hit on 67 times this morning so she may be cold at first, but as the speaker drones on pass some notes like you were in 5^th grade.

2) Siesta, no fiesta. You should have done most of your legwork in the morning and even though the open bar and booths have just opened, you’ll need this time to get some shut eye for the nights activities. You should check out the booths quick to be seen and get some free schwag but don’t linger or your scent will get stale.

3) Night survival: If you were lucky during the day and you made some cougar connections try to get her out of the hotel to another restaurant or bar where hopefully more female conference attendees are. If not, you’re about to deal with at least two generations of older men who treat the conference like they were going back to college. Most are married with children and they treat this conference like the best holiday they’ve had in ten years. You may think you’re safe talking to a lady in the corner of the bar, but these guys will swarm and block your shit like Marcus Camby. Sure you’ll get lots of free drinks from these doting benefactors, but the over-poaching will throw your lass out of the mood and out of the bar.

4) Finally, if you are successful in bagging a con-coug don’t forget to get her card. If girls can sleep their way to the top, why can’t we?

Tags: conference, cougar, professional, travel