When you can’t find a Cougar

Posted on 01. Mar, 2007 by John Roblinsky in Dangers of the Hunt

Let’s say you’re out trollin for cougars—or any woman—but you come up short.  Even your boys here at HC admit that it happens to all of us much more than we like.  You had high hopes for the night, especially after reading the Bible, but no cougars pounced.  You even tried playin a wolf and going after some chicks your own age or younger, but your game was salty and you ended up buying drinks for all the married bitches.  And then a drink for all their husbands so they wouldn’t beat you down.  Fuckin husband cockblockers aka farmers.  Why do they hate?  Or maybe you just got lost in all the analogies and couldn’t connect.  At this point you have two main options:

1) Admit to yourself that you had a bad night and help your friends as a wingman or DD or,
2) Lower your standards, get wasted and leave it up to chance.

While we’re never ones to quit anything, in this situation do NOT employ #2.  Waking up in the morning with a hat wearing, West Virginia black bear and a drunk squirrel (see pic) is never acceptable.  Not only will the scars never heal, but bears have an insatiable hunger for honey and once they know you have it they’ll never stop knocking on your door.  One day you’ll finally get the cougar of your dreams and be having a romantic dinner and all of a sudden that damn black bear is storming down your door for some honey.

Tags: advice, alcohol, bar, WV