In Heat, Ohh So Hot!

Posted on 22. Feb, 2007 by Alphrad Pale in Cougars Defined

[Editor's Note: We're spreading our range to get the insights of hunters worldwide.  Welcome New Yorker Alphrad Pale!]

Let’s face it some things in life just come to us.  A couple of years ago I was chillin at the local pub and talking to an intoxicated older fellow.  We started shootin the shit, we connected on a business level and sure enough before last call I landed a job at a successful marketing firm where I currently work today (freakin sweet).  About two weeks ago I went to Price Club with my girlfriend on a Saturday (usually we go on Thursday nights right before “My Name is Earl”), turns out at every aisle we were served a sample of fine delicacy (yummy in my tummy).  Even the other day I was playing some b-ball street court style in Brooklyn, as I was tearing through the lane finger rolling another deuce an opponent called a foul on himself, yet didn’t even cause me to lose blood (and one).

The same good fortune has occurred with the most mysterious and tantalizing beasts we men have the pleasure to come across (or on if we are really lucky).  Usually the cougar is an elusive predator, who carefully chooses her nights’ dessert with the most finely tuned palette only Julia Child can fully describe in words and salivating gestures.  This opportunity only comes once a year and I want to give everyone a heads up.  Since we are all animals, even cougars can’t escape this one catch (their Achilles heal, well except for post-menopausal silver centrum cougs), the beginning of spring, when flowers bloom, snow melts (assuming global warming is all hype),  and the birds and the bees “do it” (pollen everywhere).  The vernal equinox gently touches the inner most chords (or tubes) in fertile females, strumming a song of procreation, youth and lullabies.  Of course constant attention, upped responsibility and annoying cries are left out.

So basically, for a short portal in times’ vast doorway, we guys have the upper hand, cause the cougs are heated and thus defeated aka “hougars” or “hougs”.  Our job is of course to take advantage of their one fallacy, but as being men, we cannot “overdue a good thing”.  We must “do a good thing”, take our time, as the best coupons’ read “one per customer”.  The hougs will be over-aggressive, extremely violent (many battle scar moments) and will make any room “can cut it with a knife” humid.  So enjoy, don’t be afraid to spend over time frequenting your local watering hole.  Eat extra carbs and be yourself (money).

Tags: brooklyn, classification, hougars, new york